Can resistance make trauma, stress, and conflict worse?
The resistance to things we can’t control, our responses to them, our unmet expectations could potentially make the trauma worse. Our response and how we react to situations can either calm the situation down or it can make the situation worse. The work I am doing is to help people regulate their nervous systems so that no matter what gets thrown at them, however bad it is, they will be able to respond in a better way so that its not as physically and mentally painful and stressful for them.
Big T and little t trauma, conflict, stress, and things outside of our control can cause negative mental health and physical sensations in our bodies. Here, we can explore how resistance to those things can make our symptoms worse.
The resistance to things we can’t control, our responses to them, our unmet expectations could potentially make the trauma worse. Our response and how we react to situations can either calm the situation down or it can make the situation worse. The work I am doing is to help people regulate their nervous systems so that no matter what gets thrown at them, however bad it is, they will be able to respond in a better way so that its not as physically and mentally painful and stressful for them.
Traumatic things, conflict, stress can be bad all on their own.
Ask yourself if your responses and reactions to those things are helping or making it worse.
Is your resistance making it worse?
Is fighting the thing making it worse?
Is fighting the system making it worse?
Sometimes you can make things easier by how you react to them.
Pause.
Acknowledge the situation.
Accept it for what it is (so many things are outside of our control)
Figure out ways to navigate around the situation, to make it easier (coaching and therapy can help with this)
What in your life are you resisting or fighting?
What in your life is hard to accept?
What do you wish you could change about others, or a situation (that deep down you know will probably never change)?
Are you expecting another person to change? To see your side? To understand you? To apologize?
These things may never happen…
As long as you are holding on to that resistance, expecting that person to change when they won’t, it could make the conflict and stress worse.
Step back from your expectations. Recognize things may not change. Accept things for what they are.
How are you going to take care of yourself to be able to move forward with less stress?
How are you going to keep your nervous system regulated?
What are you going to include in your self care routine?
Activity:
Journal
10-15 minutes
Think of something that is causing you stress or pain and free write about it
Do a giant brain dump
Feel all those bigs feelings you have been avoiding
You can use dictation software, type, or write with pen and paper (and destroy or delete afterwords if you want)
Say the things you have been avoiding saying out loud, or thinking, or feeling
Its just you and your writing practice
Let your irrational brain get it all out
10-15 minutes
Tap into your rational thinking brain
Reflect on what came up
Anything you can take action on?
Anything you want to talk to a therapist or coach about?
Any way you can adjust your expectations?
What can you learn to accept?
Decision Fatigue
Decision fatigue can be exhausting!
Working with a coach or a thinking partner can help you to think through both small and large decisions in your life.
What are ways you can simplify your life to reduce the number of decisions you have to make in a day?
How can you prioritize things to simplify your decisions? What do you want to put on the front burner? What can you put on the back burner? What can you take off your to do list?
What resources can you use to help you make your decisions? Can you reach out to people, read something helpful, revisit a tool or resource that was helpful in making decisions in the past?
What criteria can you create to help make decisions? Can you make decisions based on deadlines, priorities,
What can you simplify and reduce to reduce the overall amount of decisions you have to make?
What would be the consequences of not making this decision?
Decision fatigue can be exhausting!
Working with a coach or a thinking partner can help you to think through both small and large decisions in your life.
What are ways you can simplify your life to reduce the number of decisions you have to make in a day?
How can you prioritize things to simplify your decisions? What do you want to put on the front burner? What can you put on the back burner? What can you take off your to do list?
What resources can you use to help you make your decisions? Can you reach out to people, read something helpful, revisit a tool or resource that was helpful in making decisions in the past?
What criteria can you create to help make decisions? Can you make decisions based on deadlines, priorities,
What can you simplify and reduce to reduce the overall amount of decisions you have to make?
What would be the consequences of not making this decision?
Other tools to help with decision fatigue:
Pro con lists
Values evaluation: is it aligned with who you are?
Vision: what will this decision and choice feel like in the future?
What advice would you give a friend about the decision?
Journal
Service Roads
Service roads are there for a reason. They serve a purpose. They facilitate and provide access. They ease maintenance and support.
What kind of regular, or not so regular, maintenance do you have in your life?
What systems do you have in place to support you when you need it?
Service roads are there for a reason. They serve a purpose. They facilitate and provide access. They ease maintenance and support.
What kind of regular, or not so regular, maintenance do you have in your life?
What systems do you have in place to support you when you need it?
How to shift your thinking in the direction you want to be moving
How to shift your thinking in the direction you want to be moving.
Instead of making a 180 degree turn from what you are currently doing, the goal is to shift towards the direction you want to be going incrementally.
If you are always late, you could say you are not going to be late again. A better, more achievable option would be to get there earlier than your last time.
Examples of affirmations for boundaries:
No is a complete sentence
I can do things for myself first
What kind of small affirmation can you make for yourself?
Instead of making a 180 degree turn from what you are currently doing, the goal is to shift towards the direction you want to be going incrementally.
If you are always late, you could say you are not going to be late again. A better, more achievable option would be to get there earlier than your last time.
Examples of affirmations for boundaries:
No is a complete sentence
I can do things for myself first